...hate myself

I hate the way I look. I hate my disgusting fat body. How could I let myself get so big..
I'm so jealous of everyone with a small figure. And how it seems so easy for them. I have to fight my urge to eat unhealthy, and I have to push myself to exercise. Some girls can just eat whatever they want, of course some puts a lot of effort into being skinny, but still... I wish I had a willpower like that.
I'm a believer of the theory of people unconsciously judging others by their appearance. Even though you don't realize it yourself. But I trust that I would have much more friends if I had a smaller body.
Oh, my life would be amazing if I had figure that looked good. It's on the top of my wish list.
Why does it have to be so hard?!
We live in a world where the ideal woman is skinny as hell. Sure, I think too that I have to have thin body to be good enough. But young girls like me all think that we need to be skinny and pretty to fit in. I know so many girls who has massive issues with their body, including myself.

I'm going to do my best to exercise and eat healthier. Please God, let me succeed this time. I can't stand looking like this anymore. I pray that you will stand by me on my road to transformation. Take away my hunger. Help me activate myself. I don't want to live in this body anymore. I can't look like this anymore. I can't take it anymore.